Wednesday, April 17, 2013

I Love You To The Moon & Back

As a parent, you want to make the wisest decisions possible for your child, especially regarding their healthcare. We extensively researched the controversial vaccination topic and decided to go with the standard immunization schedule. There is a plethora of information on the internet on either side of the issue (some credible and much more not) so no matter which option you choose, I have to assume it is natural to feel slight anxiety about the decision that you make.

Well, this week Asher had his 2 month shots. My emotions were already on edge, I suppose. Did we make the right choice? How would he react? Will he be ok? All these questions emerged revolving around our child and yet I was not prepared to have such a strong reaction of my own. Asher is usually such a happy baby and the extent of his cries up until this point have been more or less whimpers. When that needle went into his thigh, oh he cried out so loudly; his screams shattered the silence of the tiny room! His red, little face scrunched into a knot with his eyes shut so tight! I instantly went into protector mode, kissing his forehead that was so hot to the touch. I kept telling him it would be ok. Before I knew it I had tears of my own. My heart cracked; I felt that in some way I had let my little baby down and caused him this pain. I knew it would be short lived, but he didn't. I tried my best to comfort him as best I knew how and as expected, his cries died down within a few minutes. I sheepishly grabbed a tissue feeling a little silly and slightly embarrassed. John gave me a comforting smile, the look on his face telling me he knew what I felt. Not an hour later, at breakfast, we were once again graced with that famous grin, Asher's way of assuring us he was ok. I'm sure this will be one of many difficult parenting moments to come.

People tell you while you're pregnant that you will love your baby more than you know, to, "Just wait and see. You'll fall in love." You hear these things... but I don't think you really understand until it happens. As a new mother, I have surprised myself again and again. Those who have crossed the bridge before you will try to convey their gained wisdoms but you probably won't truly get it until you are there. I didn't.

The cliches come with the territory. "It's hard but it's so worth it." "You love them more and more everyday." "Your life and priorities will change." "Your life gets new meaning." "Every day is an adventure."

"You never stop worrying."

It's not an easy job, but then, no one ever said it was. In fact, they probably said quite the opposite. As soon as you think you've got your child figured out, they throw you through another loop. You will shed tears at the most unexpected moments. You love them to the moon and back and a thousand times over again. There are days when you are ready to throw in the towel and then they laugh for the first time. It's an indescribable love, but it is so worth every tear.

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